Wisdom of the Apple Pie

People often look for validation in random occurrences around them. From horoscopes to signs of God in grilled cheese sandwiches, it seems that everyone can find some sort of wisdom, meaning or symbolism in their lives if they look hard enough.

Such wisdom came to us one bright Saturday morning...in the form of an apple pie box.

On this eventful day, we had stopped at the Whataburger drive-thru for lunch and decided to eat in the car. My mother-in-law, packed in with the kids in the backseat of our midsize,
ordered a meal and a fried apple pie (the kind that comes in an orange striped cardboard container).

When everyone was settled and satisfied, we pulled out onto the road. I returned to my book, Very Nice Ways to Say Very Bad Things: An Unusual Book of Euphemisms. Sometime later, I found a humorous Mark Twain quote about nudity. Delighted with the tidbit, I proceeded to recite the quote aloud.

My mother-in-law, now almost done with her meal, leaned forward in her seat. "Did that come from the apple pie?" she asked.

It took me a moment to respond. "What do you mean?"

"Was that written on your apple pie box?" she clarified.

She apparently didn't notice the book propped in my hand. Not entirely sure of the question's direction, I furrowed my brow and told her that I didn't order one.

Whether it was disappointment or relief that reflected in her voice, I don't know. Her verbatim response to me was, "Oh. I just thought it was on yours, because I have one on mine. It says, 'When I am empty, please dispose of me properly'."

Have you ever experienced one of those moments where time seems to stop? If you listen, I'm sure you could even hear a flea sneeze in the utter silence of those frozen moments. When my brain finally caught up to the conversation, my eyes strayed toward my husband's. Our gazes met halfway and neither of us could move.

When finally, the moment of enlightenment passed, the taunting urge to roar with laughter had been subdued and we regained our senses, my husband and I came to terms with the knowledge that had been passed to us. No fortune cookie or Master Po lesson has ever granted us so much wisdom as that inherent in the apple pie box. (Note to literalists: this is dripping with sarcasm)

So here, I share with you the wisdom of the apple pie: When I am empty, please dispose of me properly.

I will never again look at another apple pie box in the same way.